My Friend, the Perfectionist

I'd like you to meet my friend. I know her very well. She's nice and has a nearly implacable public aura. She's also a perfectionist and rather proud of it. She often thinks to herself (while rarely saying out loud) that perfectionism is a condition of the over-achiever, a singularity of the assiduous. She has come to think of perfectionism as an advantage, not a foible.

But I think she's lost her way. Her perfectionism is not an attention to detail and a drive to do her best for a worthy reason. Oh, she's deceived herself to think that this is the case, that perfectionism is making her a better student, person, and Christian. She thinks that as long as she thanks God for her A's and the praise that others give her that her perfectionism is somehow glorifying to Him.

She doesn't realize that her perfectionism is all about her. It's about feeding her pride and crafting an image. Really, it's not about striving to be perfect; it's about striving to look perfect and have others think of her as perfect. She's a perfectionist and a people-pleaser, a man-fearer, not a God-fearer. She's obsessed with image and wanting to feel good about herself. She is proud.

Like I said, I think she's lost her way.

Maybe you know someone like her. Maybe you are her. What my friend needs to know today is that masquerading perfectionism as a noble character trait is deception; perfectionism is sin. Surely paying attention to detail and striving to do our best for the glory of God is not sin. That is a careful Christian's virtue. Perfectionism is a drive to look perfect, a vice of arrogance.

The perfectionist has no time for the beauty of grace. As Hayley DiMarco writes,

The perfectionist has no time for grace, and in the path of perfectionism lies battered relationships that experience the prideful wrath of the moments when perfection fails.

But know today that there is also freedom from the pressures of perfectionism's chains. That freedom comes in humility and submission and repentance, an active acknowledgement of self-reliance and pride and a confession of man-fearing over God-exaltation. Furthermore, it comes through a pursuit of gentleness and worship of the only perfect Being. DiMarco again:

Gentleness carries with it a sober understanding of who we are, broken and frail, fallen and unrighteous. It agrees with God and can claim that only Christ is perfect. It doesn’t, in pride, demand more of itself, as if it were better than others, but instead agrees with God that we are sinners saved by grace and unable to make ourselves perfect, no matter how hard we work.

Know that there is forgiveness and relief for the perfectionist today. And for my friend, there is freedom.