It was early, and I didn't want to get out of bed. But it was also hot, and I decided that if I wanted to go for a run and not, at best, pass out or, at worst, die (I may have been feeling a wee bit dramatic), I had to go right now. So I crawled out of bed and was sweating before I even got dressed.
One important thing must be noted -- I did not want to go for a run. Normally I love running. But not yesterday. I was feeling like I should go for a run, though, and that is not the same thing. I was motivated by some weird, cranky, insecure self-obligation.
So I grunted hello to my mother, laced up my sneakers, and walked outside. Right into a spider web.
Then I started walking down my driveway, and my heels began to burn.
Second important thing that must be noted -- three days ago I wore a very cute pair of red ballet flats to a coffee date with a friend. They are lovely to look at but dreadful to walk in. Yet I ended up having to walk four-ish blocks that day. Does not sound difficult. I'm here to tell you that it was. Like bandage-worthy blister difficult. By the time I got back to my car I wanted to cry and my heels were raw and split.
Now fast forward to yesterday morning, three minutes after walking outside, and I am hobbling back up the driveway because I literally cannot run with those flat-induced blisters. I am humiliated, hot, tired, and annoyed. Very annoyed. My heels hurt. And I'd climbed out of my very comfortable bed when I could have been still sleeping and I was a failure and I would never be fit and I just wanted to read happy books and eat chocolate forever and then also sleep forever. (Don't ask me to make sense of how I felt. I'm just reporting the facts.)
I came inside, sat down in a huff, and immediately turned on my phone. If you're keeping track, this is like the fifty-second bad decision I've made so far this morning. Then I opened Facebook. Bad decision number fifty-three. It wasn't that I saw anything terrible or especially annoying. It's just that in my sour mood, I was looking for all the wrong reasons. Instead of edification, I was looking to social media for validation and distraction.
And I'm grateful that the Lord suddenly pushed me to shut it all down and pick up my Bible. At this lovely moment in time, I did not want to read my Bible. But I knew I should, I must, not because of self-obligation, but because it was the only thing my soul really truly needed. If I wanted to choose joy, embrace the day, live intentionally, maximize my time, do good deeds, or be kind to others, I needed God's Word.
There, in my sin, God met me. He forgave me in my repentance and nourished me through His Word. And by 9:00 a.m., my bad day (morning, really) was over. My eyes were off myself and on God's kingship. I read Psalm 97: "The Lord reigns; let the earth rejoice." Rejoice because God, not me, is great. Have joy, peoples! Seriously. In your worst day, God is still in control. Right in my bad mood, God's Word was what I needed most.
Reminders like that are what I need in the midst of bad days. Reminders that can only come from God's Word. The Spirit works in incredible ways to convict and encourage, and He works through His Word.
For that, I am grateful.