Confession: I have an obsessive personality.
Because of that, I tend to tilt toward extremes. When I discovered I loved running, I ran every day. When I find a new show on Netflix, I binge-watch it. When I listen to a good song, I play it on repeat. When I taste delicious food, I want it for every meal.
Then I fall out of love with all these passions and suddenly never want to eat a chicken nugget or listen to that song or watch that show or run a mile ever again.
Finding balance in life is desperately difficult.
Maybe it's just me. But I don't think so.
We're Either Gluttons or Monks
Every human has a wayward heart, whether it's obsessive or not. We have a tough time finding that "happy medium" — we either live as gluttons stuffing our faces or monks starving ourselves out of fear and self-loathing. We try to find the balance and rhythm and routine yet often feel ourselves tumbling off the track instead.
I want to blame my balance problem on a lack of discipline. I say, ah-ha, yes, that's the issue. I just need to try harder, do more, keep working, keep going, pushing, drawing from the strength I know I have.
My mantra: I can do it! I just need to work harder.
But discipline is not the real problem and work is not the real solution.
How To Find Legit Happiness
My problem is idolatry. I am not resting in Christ, not focused on simple faithfulness where I am right now. I'm chasing the next big thing, the next best movie or workout or food or song or outfit. I'm distracted. I'm undisciplined, yes, but that's not because of laziness but because of a wrong perspective.
I don't think I need to try harder to find balance. I think I need to rest more.
Legit happiness = less self-reliance + more trust in Jesus
I need to recognize what God has done for me and pursue faithfulness in what he's given me. I need to stop putting my trust in the next big thing but stay focused on loving God and people in my present reality.
Of course, it's not wrong to love a new song or food. But it's wrong to let your life be marked by a pattern of un-self-control. If you don't know when to say no or when to say yes, you're in trouble.
But thank God for grace. There is hope for us obsessives, us wayward hearts struggling to find balance and rhythm. It's grace.
So run to the throne room and beg for gospel grace to be faithful right now, today. And he will give it to you.